sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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