My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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