I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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