so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
