my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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