He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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