shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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