Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
