we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
