I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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