guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
