Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize