Can i not drive my cunt home
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
