Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
