Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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