thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize