Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
