so that wasnt chicken after all
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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