as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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