ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
