Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
