this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
