They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Randomize
