i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Randomize
