i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
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