I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize