You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
