I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
