Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
