i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize