There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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