Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
