I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
