Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
