btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
