Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
My liver just had a heart attack.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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