So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
