Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
