Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
