dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
