Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
