This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
