Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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