Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
