I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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