Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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