Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
