What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
