Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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