Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
