i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
