I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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