the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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