last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
