Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
