Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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