we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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