I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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