in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize