We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
You're like the curious george of whores
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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