Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm getting married
To pizza
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
