new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
