Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
