I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
