When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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