Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
