im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
