You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
