oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
