Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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