Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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