Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
