if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
only you would photoshop your dick
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
