I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
