she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
And then he peed in my hair
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