Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
