He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Randomize
