who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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