Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
