At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
