i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
