happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
