girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
